In this post, I will note mistakes, misguided phrases, and missing logic that I see in Internet writing. Please add your own examples in the comment section, and stop back to check this post because I'll add to it over the months.
Warning: All is fair game. That includes my own writing! I hope you'll join me at listing the errors you find in different sources.
FIRST
Semi Slams Into Chicago Train StationBy KAREN HAWKINS,APPosted: 2008-04-26 06:47:25Filed Under: Nation News. From:http://news.aol.com/story/_a/semi-slams-into-chicago-train-station/20080425211209990001
"Reed and other witnesses stood disbelieving as the truck wedged inside the stairwell. If it hadn't been for a delay at work, Reed, a 30-year-old bank security officer, said he could have been one of the victims."
MY COMMENT: Who or what are those people disbelieving? The way it's written, it sounds as though they are disbelieving the truck. The sentence simply sounds awkward as written. Also, "...stood disbelieving as the truck wedged inside the stairwell" seems inaccurate, since the truck is already wedged, therefore "as" seems incorrect as written.
MY CORRECTION: 1. Reed and other witnesses stood in disbelief, staring at the truck wedged inside the stairwell. 2. Reed and other witnesses stared in disbelief at at the truck wedged inside the stairwell. Actually, I like my sentence #2 best. It cuts out unneeded words and makes the point clearer.
.... from the same article...
"The man was not under arrest or had been charged with anything as of late Friday, said police spokesman John Mirabelli."
MY COMMENT: The sentence lacks balance, all because the writer picked "or" as the connection.
MY CORRECTION: 1. The man was not under arrest, nor had been charged with anything as of late Friday, said police spokesman John Mirabelli.
Note the addition of a comma before nor. It certainly sounds better, except the "with anything."
2. The man was not under arrest, nor had the police brought any charges as of late Friday, said police spokesman John Mirabelli.
Again, I like my 2nd revision the best, as often happens when editing. Each time you reword a thought, you bring new opportunities for clarity and better wording.
TIP #1: Each time you spot a mistake in someone else's writing--or notice a sentence that just does not sound right--copy the sentence into a file or paper notebook. Take five minutes to state what you think hurts the sentence. Then, rewrite it to cut the error or enhance clarity. The more you edit--any writing--the more you will develop an editor's eye with your own prose.
***
I forgot my top pet peeve. Windows' first screen proudly announces "Windows is starting UP" (emphasis added). Everytime I see it, I want a data eraser for UP. "Windows is starting" would be sufficient for most non-Microsoft morons.
***
May 12, 2008:In all defense of news editors in this instance, posting breaking news for the public is a fast-paced job. However, editors must review what they post online or write for other sources. Here is a simple spelling error that should be difficult to over-look.
Posted caption: "Patients rest at a tempory aid station in Chengdu after they were evacuated from a hospital." (Shown under a photo from "Liu Hai, Xinhua / AP" and posted at http://news.aol.com/story/_a/nearly-10000-perish-in-china-quake/20080512061409990001?icid=1615988631x1202234151x1200304382)
"Temporary" has only one spelling. It's not even a sound-alike error. This should never have gotten past the Editor.
Part of the problem with "Internet News" is how infrequently (and poorly) any editor reviews previously posted items. Likely over 80% of the initial news items posted online remain in some archives or cache, complete with the original errors. How do we expect school students to learn the art of editing and re-reading copy if professional writers and editors overlook this task? When someone reports I made a typo on one of my websites, I make sure to go into the file, correct it, and re-upload the page.
May 15, 2008 - example of "to" and "too" mix-up used in professional news -
"China sends more copters to quake-hit area" From CNN.com/Asia
"Aftershocks at times forced rescuers to turn away from the fallen buildings, leaving crowds frustrated without knowing the fate of loved ones. Video from one disaster scene shows a woman clinging to a crane after rescuers suspended a mission at a crumbled building, deeming the site to dangerous to enter."
http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/05/14/quake.thursday/index.html?eref=rss_topstories
The sentence should read "...deeming the site too dangerous to enter."
And, from the same article, a poorly written sentence resulting in too many commas and overall confusion... "Wang Guangfen, a nurse, climbed under a cement slab to give the girl, He Cuiqing, medicine, while other rescuers carefully moved slabs until they could remove the girl."
Although technically correct, readers become confused when several short interrupting words or phrases break into the sentence. The writer could have used two sentences, especially if more information was known. For example: The girl, He Cuiqing, had become dehydrated during her ordeal. Wang Guangfen, a nurse, climbed under a cement slab to give the girl urgent medicine, while other rescuers carefully moved slabs until they could remove the girl.
Also the writer could have chosen a different word, rather than use "moved" and "remove" so closely. For example: Other rescuers carefully lifted slabs to a nearby pile, until they could remove the girl. Again, not technically wrong, but the sentence feels derailed with two closely sounding words used too near each other.
****
Finding Stutters in Your Writing
Read the following news story and find the one thing wrong in it.
=
Posted at 02:35 PM ET, 05/18/2008 McCain's SNL Appearance: 'Oldness' as a Plus
FORT WORTH, Texas -- Sen. John McCain (Ariz.) took his turn on NBC's "Saturday Night Live" last night, poking fun at his age and his longtime fight against pork barrel spending:
"I have the the courage, the wisdom, experience and, most importantly, the oldness necessary [to be president]," McCain said.
-----
"I have the the courage, the wisdom, experience and, most importantly, the oldness necessary [to be president]," McCain said.
-----
Did you spot the problem?
It's here: "I have the the courage..."
Errors DO happen. But, every writer--at any level--needs to use grammar and spell checkers. It's very easy for duplicates, especially "the the" to enter writing and for writers (and their editors) to overlook this (supposedly) obvious error.
In a general sentence, duplicate words or phrases make the writer look unprofessional. But, when the error appears in a quote, especially in a news story, the mistake makes the writer and editor look like amateurs. Online news networks and editors for their websites must become more observant about what they put online, even at deadline, even if their offices are hectic, even if it's a busy news day. Our children (and grandchildren) receive most print information today from the Internet and need excellent examples of journalism. But, unfortunately, errors seem to be more the norm than people think.
Here's another example I spotted today, from celebrity reporting:
Gwyneth Paltrow: No trust funds for her kidsby Sandy Maple May 19th 2008 3:03PM
Categories: Money & work, Celeb kids, Celeb parenting
Categories: Money & work, Celeb kids, Celeb parenting
When celebrity chef Nigella Lawson announced that she wasn't planning to leave her children a penny of her considerable fortune, she was roundly criticized. Convinced that financial security ruins people, she says she wants her kids to learn the value of money by actually working for theirs.
You can add actress Gwyneth Paltrow to the list of wealthy celebrities determined not to let their kids have a free financial ride. Like Lawson, Paltrow believes kids need to learn to work and that a guaranteed trust fund fortune looming the the future can inhibit the desire to do that.
-
The sentence should read: "Like Lawson, Paltrow believes kids need to learn to work and that a guaranteed trust fund fortune looming in the future can inhibit the desire to do that. "
=
Same problem, different site.
When writing your novel, your non-fic, your proposal and query, your website, or even just your daily Blog, DO run checkers. Read your words OUT LOUD--your eyes don't always see what your ears hear. After any edits, run grammar and spell check again even if you don't have time to re-read the section out loud.
Be as professional as possible in your writing -- and in your editing.
***
Come back often to check this post.
Judith
No comments:
Post a Comment